** it's been a while **

Oh my, this is like my diary, I swear I am going to write, then never do.  So much has happened since the last time I blogged .. in MAY!

My dad is still not doing so hot, he went to IU med center for an MRA this past weekend.  We don't know anything yet.  He wrote a short story about his life over the past 4 years and how much I, personally, have been there for him.  It meant a lot to me.  He also mentioned that had he known what it would be like now he would have taken his grandpa's shot gun out to the woods years ago and ended it.  Something that no kid should have to hear, but it's how he feels.

My mom is still struggling with her parents passing away.  In January it will be 5 years for my grandma and in February it will be 2 years for my grandpa.  I can't imagine how she feels or what she goes through, but I feel like she takes a lot of it out on us.

Jason and I have been 'talking' about getting engaged for months now.  We started dating in January of 2008.  I knew then that I would marry him.  We broke up twice and both times I felt like we would get back together and here we are.  Both break ups were dumb, but lasted about 3 months.  We had our space, figured out our issues on our own and got back together.  We have lived together since April.  Now he's saying that we need to stay together for at least a year before we get engaged.  My whole thing is, don't tell a girl you want to get engaged then keep putting it off.  I know I should just put it out of my mind, but I can't.

I am full time student, I bartend at 2 restaurants, I clean a house, I volunteer to teach gym for K-8 grade at my brothers school, because they can't afford one.  I am a sister, a daughter, a girlfriend and a mom to a dog :)
I am tired, I am sad, I sometimes think that I am depressed.
I just want to be happy.
Some days are better than others and some are not.

Sorry, I know this wasn't very upbeat, but I need to put it out there.
I could use some advice or a slap in the face :)