**.. 2 years ago today ..**

Two years ago today one of the greatest men ever was taken away to be with his wife, my grandma and one of the greatest women ever.  Gosh I feel like it's been so much longer than that and I don't know why, because at the same time I feel like it was JUST yesterday.  I think about both of them often and I would give anything to spend just one more day with them.  I wrote this post two months after he passed away on my old blog and I would like to share it with you again today.      

MONDAY, APRIL 27, 2009

Grandpa Jim **

About 2 months ago, on Wednesday February 25th, around midnight, my grandpa Jim (my mom's dad) was taken to Lutheran Hospital by an ambulance.

The following day, I received a call from my dad .. telling me what had happened the night before and that my grandpa was not doing so great .. I may want to come up that day and see him. I told my dad that I would be there after classes that day, I had an accounting test that I needed to take.

Around 3:00 my sister Alex called me. She informed me that grandpa Jim was doing worse and she was headed up to see him right then. So, I met her at Lutheran (and had my friend Angie tell my professor that I would not be there for the test).

We got there at the same time and walked into a completely somber room .. together.

In the room was my mom (daughter), dad, aunt Lisa (daughter), aunt Karen (daughter), uncle Eric, aunt Roselyn, uncle Jim(son), and uncle Tone (son). My aunt Amy was in the hallway, we had passed her on our way in, she was on the phone with my aunt Deb (daughter), in Texas.

My grandpa just laid in the hospital bed, he could no longer speak and barely moved at all.

After being there for a little while .. (not sure of times, it is still a big blur) and nurses coming in and out checking his vitals .. my grandpa opened his eyes .. which he had not done yet .. and began shaking ..

Now, I had never seen a seizure before, but I was pretty sure that's what was happening (it was). We got a nurse to come in and she put something in his IV to prevent him from having any more seizures.

Let me tell you, I come from a fairly strong family.

I have only seen my mom cry, maybe 3 times in my whole life. And one of those times was when her mother, Ruth, passed from colon cancer .. more about that some other day. My dad has been coming and going overseas with the Air National Guard, since 2 weeks after I was born and even before they were married, and she never shows/showed any negative emotion. Same with the rest of my family, the only time I have seen them sad was when my grandma Ruth, their mom, passed.

And there was not a dry eye in the room.

Before my sister and I left that night, around 9:00, we both went up to my grandpa and held his hands. They were incredibly warm, actually they were incredibly hot. But we sat there and took turns talking to him and trying ease the tension and moods for my mom and her sisters. (Everyone else had either gone home to be with their children or went to get something to eat at the cafeteria). We both said good bye and kissed him good night on the forehead.

This was the 26th of February and my lease was up on the 28th. So, I was in the process of moving all my things over these couple days.

On Friday, the 27th, I went up to the hospital around noon. I was there for about 3 or 4 hours and I told everyone I would be back later that evening, I had some moving to get done. I kissed my grandpa Jim on the forehead and said good bye. Then took a load of my stuff to my new house, went back to my apartment and filled my car up again.

On my way over to my house again, at 7:15, I got the worst call of my life. It was my brother Jack ..

Jack: Kaiti, grandpa's dying, I got to go.

Me: Wait, what?

Jack: He's dying right now, we are on the way to the hospital.

Me: Okay, I will meet you there.

I took off like a bat out of hell in the opposite direction, to Lutheran Hospital. Of course, I got stuck behind slow drivers, but everything happens for a reason.

I called my Alex immediately and let her know what was going on (she was at Austin's, her boyfriends last basketball game). She asked me if she should come up, I told her it was up to her. He would probably already be gone by the time she made it out there and she didn't want to see him how we had the day before.

I got to the hospital and ran up to the room. And there stood my mom, hunched over the hospital bed, staring at him and crying, and saying that it was not fair.

(My mom had been at the hospital since Wednesday night and had left at 6:30 to go home and shower, change her clothes and come back up for the night and next however long. All her sisters and brothers had taken their turns going home and doing the same. Granite my uncle Jim was at his sons basketball game, but everyone else was there when he passed. She got the call not 2 seconds after she got home, walked in the door and put her purse down. My dad had lit candles for her and drew her a hot bath, so she could hopefully relax and take her mind off things for a bit. So they blew the candles out and took off, back to the hospital.)

Jack was the only one there who was younger than me, and Jessica was the only other grand kid up there at the time. She is 3 years older than me. The rest was my aunts and uncles, my aunt Deb was on the phone.

We all just sat there in disbelief, most of us cried. My dad tried to ease the tension, by talking about what a wonderful person my grandpa Jim was.

It was quite possibly one of the worst nights of my life.

So, today marks 2 months, since he has been gone, and I still feel like I am in a horrible dream, that will not stop.

I think about him every single day and usually cry about the memories a couple times a week. People say I just need to accept it and move on, but I am not sure just how I am supposed to do that.

My grandpa Jim, was one of the strongest people I knew. And with that, we were are not a family to ever really hug or say I love you. But when I went to see him I always gave him a hug good bye and very seldom said I love you.

I sent him cards, on every holiday, baked him desserts, and spent as much time with him as I could .. whenever I did not have something 'better' to do. And let me tell you that is not easy to type, but it is the truth. I regret nothing more then being too 'busy' to go spend time with him.

I love you grandpa .. and I will never forget you .. ever.